Why He “Felt Empty” and The Unexpected Invite That Changed Everything...

Have you ever had something good happen and realized there was no one to tell?

That’s where Matt Barnes finds himself in the spring of 2025. His infidelity has ended his relationship with Anansa, the mother of two of his kids. He’s going to church for the first time in his life, and his business is growing, but he tells Candace he still feels empty because he has no one to share any of it with.

Matt is a retired NBA forward, a 2017 champion, and one of Candace’s castmates on Special Forces, where he slept three bunks from her and heard her pray every night. Here he talks about his childhood, the loss of his mom, and the faith he found at 45.

Growing Up Fast in San Jose and Sacramento

Matt calls himself an ’80s baby whose parents were deep in the party scene. He saw drugs and violence early, and in a biracial home with a Black father and an Italian mother, he didn’t realize how little his family had, since his friends lived the same way.

When the family moves to Sacramento, he lands in predominantly white schools, discovers he’s behind, and hears racial slurs for the first time. His dad, an ex-Marine, gives him permission to fight back. He does, until his classmates decide it’s easier to let him play.

The racism returns his senior year, weeks before he leaves for UCLA on a basketball scholarship. A classmate harasses and spits on his younger sister, and Matt confronts him. He’s suspended, and during that week the KKK vandalizes the school and targets him by name. With threats against his life, the family moves to a neighboring city. He leaves for Los Angeles at 18 with a resolve to speak up for people who don’t have a voice.

Losing His Mom in 26 Days

Matt’s mom was his safe place. She got to watch him break through with the Golden State Warriors during a historic playoff run, and at the start of the next season she was diagnosed with cancer. She died 26 days later.

He drove from the Bay to Sacramento nearly every day to be with her, and he’s at peace with that last month, knowing how much pain she was in. There was no room to grieve, though. His dad sank into depression and drinking, and at 27, Matt became the one holding the family together.

The loss opens a door, too. After his mom dies, his dad tells him he loves him, the first time Matt can remember hearing it. As his father opens up about his own abusive childhood, Matt starts to understand him. He says he lost his mom but gained a dad.

Walking Into Church Alone

Matt didn’t grow up with faith. Sundays were for football, and he could count his trips to church on two hands. By late 2024, though, people kept inviting him to church and steering conversations toward God. Anansa had always wanted the family to go, and Matt admits he was the reason they didn’t.

After the breakup, he found a months-old text from a friend about a new church and showed up one Sunday by himself. He hid in a back corner until a friend turned around and asked what he was doing there. He knew right away he was in the right place. He started going every week, asked his pastor where to begin, and opened a King James Bible, thees and thous included.

The writer of 2 Corinthians 5:17 says that anyone in Christ is a new creation; the old has gone and the new has come. Matt doesn’t claim to have arrived. He calls himself a beginner who’s still learning. Here’s the thing: God meets us right there, in the back row.

The Invitation

Things start to turn. His business grows and new opportunities arrive, yet the emptiness stays. So he asks Anansa if she wants to come to church with him. She comes two or three times, and when he sees her eyes fill with tears, he knows she’s proud of him.

In December, Matt asks Anansa to walk this road with him, and she agrees, with a list of what she needs to see. As he checks each item off, she tells him that if he’s serious, he’ll marry her. They plan a wedding in about a month and marry on New Year’s Eve with about 20 people there. That night they host a black-tie “New Year’s Eve party,” and Matt takes the mic to introduce his wife.

Candace honors Anansa’s humility, especially since the infidelity became public. Matt calls her a soldier and asks for prayer as they reach nine months of marriage.

Leading With Love

On Special Forces, Candace saw a different side of the man known as the NBA’s bad boy. Matt explains that his on-court fights were almost always about protecting teammates, and that same protectiveness made him the one offering to carry her bag or give her a “dad hug” when she needed it. He signed up to test his mind, to see whether he could take someone yelling in his face without reacting.

At home, he’s working to break the pattern of tough love he grew up with. He wants his sons to know it’s okay to hug, to cry, and to talk about what they feel, and his message to all seven kids is simple: lead with love.

Sponsors mentioned in this episode:

316 Financial: bank316.com. Banking services are provided by 316 Financial, a division of Primus Bank, member FDIC.

Crowd Health: joincrowdhealth.com, code Candace, $99 a month for your first three months.

International Fellowship of Christians and Jews: ifcj.org/candace

Grand Canyon University: gcu.edu

Toups & Co: toupsandco.com/candace, code “candace” for 25% off your first order.