Season 12
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Episode 6
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Run Time: 44:26
Loved, Not Earned: Learning to See God as Father
There are certain thoughts that don’t feel like panic—but they still carry anxiety.
Thoughts like:
Am I actually loved?
Am I safe with God?
Do I belong… or do I have to earn my place?
In this episode Candace and Ruth Chou Simons slow down and name something many of us have felt but haven’t had words for: when love starts to feel transactional, anxiety doesn’t just attach to circumstances—it attaches to identity.
When Love Feels Transactional
Ruth shares honestly that when she first understood there was a God, she instinctively pictured Him through earthly authority terms. Approval. Performance. Earning.
She describes seasons where she tried to be “so amazing” that she wouldn’t need “amazing grace.” But the moment grace feels unnecessary is usually the moment we’re quietly trying to save ourselves.
Candace relates—especially as someone who grew up performing and learning how easily affirmation can become a measuring stick. When you’re rewarded for doing well, it can be hard to believe you’re loved when you’re not.
The "Measurables" Trap
They talk about how early wounds shape the way we measure love:
- Words said in a lunchroom
- Comments made about appearance or weight
- The pressure to “fit” a standard
- The subtle belief that being different means being less
And they name the reality that even as believers, we can reject the world’s version of self-love while still struggling to accept God’s love as personal, unconditional, and true.
Because the question underneath so many anxious thoughts is this:
If I’m not enough, will I still be loved?
The Practice That Changes the Pattern
This episode keeps coming back to a theme they’ve repeated all season: your feelings are real, but they can’t be your authority.
Ruth describes the Psalm 42 moment—where the psalmist speaks directly to his own soul. You don’t deny what you feel; you interrupt the spiral by reminding yourself what is true.
Over time, renewal becomes a practiced reflex:
- Psalm 139: designed on purpose, known from the start
- Ephesians 2:8–10: saved by grace, not performance; created with purpose
- The steady, repeated re-alignment of your thoughts to God’s thoughts
Your Body Is Not the Enemy
Candace connects this conversation to the body and soul lessons from last season: your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit.
Not a project to perfect. Not a target for nitpicking. Not an object to punish until it behaves. A dwelling place.
And when that truth sinks in, it reframes everything—appearance, aging, comparison, even the vulnerability of being seen.
Listener Questions
Karen: “How did you learn to treat your body with grace and love?”
Anonymous: “Hi, Candace. I'm a 17-year-old from Africa. And I enjoy watching your podcast. Yay! Thank you. I've been a Christian all my life and I'm about to finish high school. My question to you is, how do you learn to truly see God as a father and fully believe that He's always on your side? Sometimes I struggle with that, and it may be pride or fear or disappointment from the past, or all three- But I'd love to know how you learn to fully see God as Dad?”
A Simple Place to Start
One of the most practical takeaways in the episode is this:
Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a child you love.
Because God would never speak cruelty over His creation.
And if you’re trying to learn how to see God as Father—especially if your earthly example was painful or absent—Candace offers a surprisingly simple on-ramp: start with a picture of what a good father looks like, even if the first example you can reach for is a TV dad. Let it be a stepping stone, not the destination. Because God’s love is beyond even the best picture you can imagine.
Free Advent Guide and Community
Candace also shares a free gift for this season: an Advent Guide from Ruth’s devotional Emmanuel, available to download at candace.com.
And if you want a place for more podcast discussion, monthly challenges, and encouragement, you can join the Together community at candace.com/together.
Sponsors and Partners
International Fellowship of Christians and Jews: ifcj.org
Angel Studios: Watch Young DAVID and get tickets for DAVID in theaters December 19, 2025
WeShare: weshare.org/candace (application fee waived)
Grand Canyon University: gcu.edu/myoffer