Season 18
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Episode 4
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Run Time: 43:36
Have you ever done every single thing you knew to do and still found yourself praying the same prayer?
Candace and Annie F. Downs have spent this season walking through Annie’s book, Don’t Let That Hold You Back: naming what holds us back, then asking, seeking, and knocking anyway. In this episode they turn to what comes after all of that, when the work is done and the answer hasn’t arrived. Annie says this is the part she kept bumping into while writing. Leaving it out, she says, wouldn’t be good friendship.
A Few Treasures From Full House
First, Annie has questions about the Full House and Fuller House years. Candace explains that the Fuller House wardrobe lives in a studio costume warehouse, rows of clothes sorted by decade for future productions. She still has an acid-wash denim crew jacket with the Full House logo on the back from when she was about 12, and it still fits. DJ’s Pillow Person didn’t make it; her dog ate it years ago, though new ones are now on QVC.
When A Plus B Doesn’t Equal C
Annie admits she likes control. She likes a world where doing the work leads to the result. For most of her adult life, the result she wanted was marriage, and she tried everything: counseling, two dating coaches, a matchmaker, online dating, and telling anyone who would listen. She kept thinking that enough money for a high-end matchmaker would solve it. Others tell the same story with a different detail: a move they can’t make while caring for parents, or a job with more free time.
The hard truth Annie names is that effort doesn’t guarantee the outcome, at least not on our timeline. Candace says her own waits have been shorter, a couple of years here, ten years there, and rarely around the deepest desire of her heart. She thinks of friends who have walked through infertility for years. Sometimes the only thing left to do is keep waiting.
The Wait Is Part of the Story
Annie doesn’t leave it there. She met her husband, JW, at 44. If someone had told her that at 20, she would have been furious. Now she wouldn’t change it. Her first book, written in 2006, didn’t reach a bookstore shelf until 2012, and she says everything in those six years mattered.
Candace connects this to the years she stepped away from work to be home with her kids. That season grew her relationship with God, and when she went back to work, she went back looking for ways to help people take one step closer to Jesus. She notes one difference: she was fulfilled in that season.
Annie puts words to it. Can we find fulfillment in what we have while we wait for what we want? Can we be grateful for the basket we’re holding while we wish there were more fruit in it? For Annie, her 40s as a single woman meant modeling an abundant life for other single women, a season she won’t get back.
Only a Season
Two years ago, while writing an Advent devotional for single people called Stay Tuned, Annie sat in a Starbucks and told God she didn’t want to write for singles anymore. She pictured a washcloth being wrung out and sensed God saying, “This is only a season.” The question that came with it: if this is only a season, can He wring out everything? The night before her first date with JW, she prayed that if she and God weren’t done serving single women, she would keep waiting. She still advocates for singles.
When There Is No Happy Ending
Some waits don’t resolve the way anyone hopes. Candace’s best friend is caring for aging parents while raising teenagers, and that wait ends in loss. Annie doesn’t tie a bow on it. She encourages telling God honestly, “I don’t want to be waiting for this,” and then asking Him to come near and give purpose in the middle of it. She says He has done that for her.
Questions From Listeners
Juliana, a 21-year-old stay-at-home mom, is struggling to find true friends. Candace remembers being a young mom in a new city and starting a Bible study with a note on a neighborhood board. About eight women came, some decades older, and some became close friends. Annie encourages Juliana to go first: open her door on a Tuesday morning with coffee and bagels, and keep opening it even when no one comes.
Sunshine wonders why she thinks about a Christian guy more than about God. If it’s new, they both say, that’s how attraction works. Annie suggests asking the Lord whether it’s an idol or simply attraction.
Megan became a believer after marrying, and her husband hasn’t. Candace points to the writer of 1 Peter 3:1, who says a wife can win her husband without a word, through her conduct. Her own mom prayed for her dad for over 30 years. Annie adds another piece of hope: God could do it tomorrow.
Tia asks how to find a safe person who won’t judge. Annie suggests sharing dreams with a friend before sharing pain, and noticing who keeps other people’s names safe.
Whatever we’re waiting on this season, we can start small. Name one thing in the basket we’re already holding, and thank God for it today.
Sponsors mentioned in this episode:
316 Financial – An online bank that gives 10% of its profits to ministries and organizations, with no monthly fees, free ATM access nationwide, and a strong savings account. Learn more at bank316.com. Banking services are provided by 316 Financial, a division of Primus Bank Member FDIC.
Crowd Health – Not insurance, but a community where members help pay one another’s medical bills. Go to joincrowdhealth.com and use the code Candace to join for $99 a month for your first three months.
International Fellowship of Christians and Jews – Join the Flag of Fellowship movement and plant a flag with a gift of $25 at ifcj.org/candace.
Grand Canyon University – Flexible online bachelor’s, master’s, and doctoral education programs. Visit gcu.edu.
Nello – Super Calm, a daily anti-stress drink mix with magnesium glycinate, L-theanine, and ashwagandha. Head to drinknello.com and use the code Candace for 20% off your first order, and stack it with a subscription for up to 40% off. Also available at Target.
Together Community – Private podcast discussion, monthly challenges, and a place to encourage each other at candace.com/together.